Fall has never been my season...

Autumn, Fall you name it..it's never been my season. I've tried to pinpoint why, at times I wonder if it's because school starts and the stress of it all..yet that's always been there year after year. I also wonder if it's the weather and lack of sunlight, which could contribute tremendously to making me feel lousy. Then it's to the depression I had to face during this time few years back..though I think it also drifted into spring semester too...Just never been my season. I find myself thinking, and can't seem to think myself out of it at times....

This picture has a new meaning to me. This antibiotic I took a week or so ago. I was diagnosed with bronchitis, and as I read online it's for mild to moderate respiratory infections. I've become intrigued by it's structure, as I've been studying medicinal structures in my pharmacology class. Just looking at the structure says a lot of the drug...I wanted to see if I could figure out how long the drug would last in my body based on whether it's slow release or what (by looking at it's structure)..as that could interfere with other drugs I take. I read up on how this drug can readily get into phagocytes (White blood cells) which basically carries it to the site of infection..what an awesome mechanism, and what a genius who came up with it!!

Just interesting how they synthesize these thingies, and how they work.

I have a love hate relationship with drugs. I work with them, and like to test them, but the pressures of the project makes me hate them. Same goes for the pharmacology class...I love the shit to death, can't drop the class cause it's interesting. I've been busting my ass all semester studying for it, as well as other shit going on....yet I hate the exams, as I never have time to study...

Still..the compound above is lovely...No I'm not geeky; just interested ;)

I didnt' Forget Your Face..

I donno I never forget peoples' faces. I'm not sure why...I usually can remember just about everyone except maybe chinese people but that's because I don't look closely enough!

In any case...I've been here in this stinky town for about 3 years now. Years back I found some girls blog, saw it once; funny thing is that sometimes on my way home, I'll see her walk past me...Weirrrd I know! Her bad for putting her pic up..

Today I was out doing lunch on my own. I needed the my time..it was awwesome. Walked into the union and saw this one dude...yep yep there used to be a program I used to use and he was on it, he was/is a phd student in philosophy..funny I know it's him! I know it...did I care to say hi or acknowledge that? Nope...

In any case....point of story..I can't forget faces!

Never Seen So Many...

Yah so many what you ask? So many recipes being printed out in one day! I must have printed out a few publications or so to read today for my upcoming meeting. Everytime I'd go to the printer room, I had to shuffle through recipes so many people were printing out. The smell of Thanksgiving is in the air I must admit. I saw recipes for making Dumplings. Then there was a recipe on how to make Turkey, and how to make the stuffing. Then I saw a print out for "How to Cut Turkey" from marthastewart.com. Hahaha....yah funny..or so I thought :P

So SICK of.....Being SICK :(

Bug me..

There are those things that bug the shit out of me. I believe I have the right to claim them. However I don't know how or when to say it or should I say it. I tend to bite my tongue and hold it back...however then I wonder if I'm doing what I should. In all honesty it's wrong. It's bugged me before, and it will *bug* me again. Before I ignored it.....should I ignore it now if it comes up? Will the ritual keep continuing.....till one day I blow? I tend to think there is an easy way to get rid of it...but that's me being a wuss and not facing challenges.

I figure it's something to worry about later. But hell later, then I know it's in the future, and if it's the future....then I'll keep thinking of it....<---Insert psycho here-->No serious..I'm not psycho..there are things that are WRONG and right!

Dear Higher Power/God,

If there is ever a time I need you...I need you now. I have two wishes and only two. I know you think it may be a lot, but I'll be rational and tell you why I need them both.

My first wish. Please please please please let me marry the man of my dreams. Please please please don't let me get stuck in something I don't want. Please give me the courage to stand up for what I believe and let me do it with the least pain to anyone involved. Rationally, this is the only way, I need to marry someone who would understand me; would know where I come from, what I've done, and where I'd like to go. Walking into something and then realizing both aren't blank slates as we once might have been told by others is not the option for me.

My other wish. I swear this is the only other one. Please please please let me finish my graduate studies. Please let me get a Phd. Please make research make more sense to me, and make me a more efficient person.

I know it's much to ask, but you know I've been yearning for both for years in my life...I don't need to write more as I know there are others who have to get their words in as well :)

Sincerely,

MisguidedGrad