The whole big publicicity

I guess I have always been different. I am not sure if I purposely chose this or it's just the way I turned out and it's truly me. I know I choose to be the way I am, but then I wonder if I do it to be different.

Even when it came to getting being with someone in your life..I come from the background in which your parents choose..and I opted to choose myself. I wonder if that's me or did I do this to be different from my sister?

Now it's time for marriage..or will be. I guess over the years I've come to avoid this word. It seems everyone and their mother wants to know about it from me...when all I want to do is run away. I'm very much so creeped out about it. Why can't I just go to a court and get it done? I hope that one day we can just do that..or have a very small ceremony. After seeing my sisters' wedding and all the attention you get from sitting in front of people, I always knew..I'd never be able to follow through with it on my own. It's just never been me...or am I saying this to be different? :-|