Associations

I associte negative thoughts to activities. The other day I went to visit a friend in her lab. She had a high school student working with her. The high schooler, of indian decent, obviously an overachiever. I could tell from the way she walked in and was told there is no work to do. From the way she then called her parents and talked Hindi to them. Then my friend asked, hey how was your festival this weekend and she responded good, and then she said I also had a debate tournament. I was floored..it brought back memories. No memories which were good. I still remember the days of being on the debate team, not by choice but because I had to; something I had to fulfill to get into college. When all I wanted to do was play soccer, and play an instrument. But I was told that colleges didn't look towards such things. And here was this fellow girl probably raised from parents around the same area as mine, doing similar things to me! It really made me look down on her. It was like all those memories of clenching my teeth and telling myself that soon it will be better someday came back. I sat there looking at her and thinking God I'm glad that shit is over with.

I walked off still feeling negative...still thinking back to the days of when all that mattered or I was told that mattered was grades. The days when I was told there was no way to get my education funded. That I wasn't any good, and not worth any college. The days when even getting one B during the semester was considered bad. The days in which the best extraciricular activies to be in were the speech team, debate team, science club and math club. When all I wanted to do was play in sports and have fun, and just be happy for enjoying the moment rather than being told first place is the only way to go.

I still think back to it..and I wonder if my brother and sister think differently. Maybe they truely enjoyed their time..and honestly they might have as they always got first or second place. I was the 13th place finisher with the smile because I was glad I enjoyed my time.

If there is one thing I learned from it all..I will try the hardest to let my kids enjoy their time in college and high school.