Worst Rant..

With the level of stress I'm feeling, this rant is going to be baad...so read at your risk! I may be politically incorrect, prude, a bitch all in one..but hell I'm seriously just gonna say it!

Yes I'm sick of it..I'm sick of people who have nothing to do!! People who fucken get to sit around at home and not do much. People who get to do brainless activities! I know I put myself through school, it's my fault for going through crap..yet I get jealous of knowing people who have TIME OFF! I crave it soo bad!! Why not me?? WILL I EVER get there?? I'll probably die young with all the fucken STRESS I have...I hate people who call me and are like what are you doing? What the fuck you think I'm doing? Sitting around?? hello..I've got a sink full of dishes, bills to pay, apartment to clean, an empty stomach to fill...clothes to wash, and on top it ALL..the most important thing, I need to MAKE time for a 10-12 hour day of lab work..AND AND if that's not fucken it, I need to fucken study for two fucken classes? Oh..and I'm not done yet!!! ON TOP of all this fucken shit...most peeps might be done...NO...not me...cuz my life sucks ass like no other...cuz what I get is that I got a dumpy family who just wants to control my fucken life!! AS IF their desires to make me do shit will make me do it!! I wonder if I'm turning into the ultimate rebel..or turning into me..Fuck whatever it is...I know I'll be happy..some day..some day...Be happy for whatever turns out my way, which I want...some day..

I remember years ago..when I first started my masters..I was talking to my cousin online and he was like, I'm going to start living my practical life..I thought of the shit he said and thought what the hell..what is wrong with you?? Now I bite my own fucken words..I need that life..I need it bad. If there was a way I could get this darn fucken make me crazy-tomorrow phd..I'd do it..I just wanna get it and leave and prove it to myself..that's NOT all..I need to prove other shit to MYSELF to me...TO ME...grrr...

Err...people may cry cuz of stress, people may talk it out...I've been there done that...nothing seems to work, umm...my idea now, mope mope mope, and then sleep it off...yet then I wake up almost every 2 fucken hours thinking it..and then I babysit my mind back into thinking it's okay misguided get some sleep....If I walk out alive with this fucken DEGREE...and I'm only 10% sane..I'll be happy! I know it!!

If I could be a technician or somebody's bitch...given orders for work..fuck it'd be so much easier..what I crave yet what I hate is that I gotta figure shit out first...come up with new shit..then use it...so hard yet so rewarding yet so making me insane..

ERR...I could go on...that's it...I write more, I'll get hate mails

My So-Called Husband

Yes that's right, it's hard for me to consider that boy as a boyfriend anymore. It's that I feel more for this dude, and think of him more or to a farther extent in my life than any other boy I've ever thought of before. Early on in the relationship I told him I was going to refer to him as my husband..and up to this day I jokingly will say that to him, as he calls me "wifey"..soo cute ;)

Even through my psycho days (believe me I have many--a few should be attributed to birth control pills taken solely to block his men from succeeding the fertility fight), he tries to be calm. I know he gets mad at me too...at times I don't get it, but who the hell could stand a psycho for so long? I know I know...husband you are reading this saying "ah hahhhh". I know I say it now, but when the blue-pill/psycho week before the period is back I'll be eating what I just wrote.

He's a hot creature. I swear he is. You'd have to see him to believe me. The only person in the world whose kept me glue'd up till now, and fuck it's been a year. Looks aren't all of it either, it's his personality...and how we click. It's how we both think the same, and sort of act the same. Well he's a bit more immature, and not so serious like me though--which isn't a bad thing either!

Meeting him was like meeting a celebrity..I had wanted to meet for years. When I met him, I was amazed. The night went by fast. I was shy and kept a distance from him..he was the same and didn't wanna make a move too fast [I think!].

Our first night together a few months after meeting was a dream. I still remember it. It felt like a dream for a long time.

Oh..and then I must add, as with any other relationships, this boy does drive me up the wall sometimes and realllllyyyy pisses me off. The only thing I still wish he'd work to fix is that he'd be able to say sorry, and realize he too can make a mistake. We can't always be right right? ;)

Oh I could write about this dudio forever. Someday, hopefully soon, I'll be standing there telling him how much I love him, while changing my last name or hyphenating it with his last name, and just dreaming of spending a lifetime with him. I can't wait!!! I love you huney!! :D

My Horoscope (of the day)

"Keep working! Sooner or later you will start to see some encouraging progress."

What more could I ask for? I NEED PROGRESS!!! On a day on which I feel bogged down. You work so hard on data to turn in only to realize that the data looked nice once, but now using another program which should give you sigmoidal curves and help extrapolate the data..it shows that it's funkier than ever :( What might have looked like lead drug compounds now look like bullshit, except a few which look better than ever. My advisor is annoyed by this..I would be too. I guess it sucks knowing that I need to turn in a report on all this (again) by this friday. It was a week ago that I turned in slides, and two weeks before that I had turned in yet another report. This project sucks ass :((((

I spoke to one of the other guys on this project with me. He understands my pain. Completely tells me to stop being too nice and listening. He told me to stop listening to bitchass advisors' assistant as he says she knows no shit. She back in her day when he first started was in the lab and used to chew him out too, and he learned to ignore her.

I guess other lab members heard us talking...it wasn't long before 2 other dudes came asking what was up with misguidedgrad and who was bugging her. I told them it doesn't matter..all they said was you gotta stop being nice and pick and choose on whom to listen to...guess they're right.

I'm soo thinking of getting my office moved...can't work in a village. Soo much noise and so much chaos..I get nothing done...or whatever I do get done never sticks in my head, as theres' so much other shit going on :(

grrrrrrrrrrr......Im off

baby!!

Ok......so I'll admit. I'm a lil buzzed up right now. Was a bit tensed up and needed something to relax the shit outta me..and well it did the thing :D

So....a girl I knew from my interviewing days had a baby....makes me want to have one now. Not cause everyone else is doing it, but cuz I wanna experience the whole thing...and see a mini me/miniboyfriend/minihusband me...

Err..another girl here at grad school is due anytime soon..She is a great friend of mine.

Can't write anymore, I'm out

Reasons..

was there ever a reason? should there be a reason? Do I really need a reason??

Such a HOT picture of Mr.Scotty Podsednik.

He has a striking resemblance to my hottie ass boyfriend!!!!!