I'll never give up..

I've realized that Phd either means "Permanent head damage" or that it simply means that one word "Politics". I still remember the weeks before I moved to my school for the Phd program and all my dad kept saying was "can you handle it..it's a lot of politics and a lot of more than just school"..I remember telling him I would do it. I was told by my previous professors to watch out..because not everyone would be nice to me. I told them I could do it. In fact my masters' advisor towards the end of it had become a bitch to me, just to show me how I'd probably end up being treated in this politically motivated program.

I never believed such shit would happen to me till now. I feel it. Feel it bad. I've never felt helpless. But somehow somewhere in me there's a voice saying you can and you WILL do it..you're not giving up without a fight. I might get humilitiated, but I'd rather know that I was humiliated because I tried. I'm not walking away just because currently I think I can't do it. If I ever do that I'll look back and only wonder and wish if I had the strength to get there (there being the end). I know I have it in me to get there, I just need to find that strength to get there. Currently I feel it's lacking. I just need to sleep on it..and I know I will make it..I just know it. And when I come back I'll come back with a booom..I just need my time.